SMART KIDS,
DUMB PHONES

SMART KIDS,
DUMB PHONES

A toolkit for releasing children from device addiction

Tough Problems

16-17 year olds who use social media for 3+ hours a day.1

53%

12-17 year olds engaged in sexting.2

37%

11-18 year olds who check their phone after going to bed.3

45%

Life satisfaction drop with 1 hour of social media use per day.4

14%

The biggest drop is in satisfaction with family.

Internet devices create a big challenge for parents.

Access to phones keeps our children awake at night, connects them with violent people, exposes them to cyberbullying, and even lowers their IQ!

Smart Kids, Dumb Phones is a practical toolkit for managing access to devices. Whether you're thinking ahead to the first device, or turning around a nasty addiction, the strategies below are effective steps that any parent can take.

Smart Solutions

1. Start the conversation

Check screen time

Seeing the amount of time spent on a phone each day can be a stark wake up call.

iPhones have a built in tool to monitor the time spent on a device, with a breakdown of how this time was spent. Android devices can download a free app that will provide similar data.

A great way to start the conversation is to ask your child to predict how much time they spend on their phone before you check. Once you've taken a look, discuss a period of time you could both be happy with.

Image: timer by Rooty from the Noun Project.

Try a phone free day

You often don't know you're addicted until you try to stop. There's nothing like taking something away to show you how much you use it. Agree with your child to put the phone away for a day, and have them pay attention to how they react.

This doesn't have to be a negative experience - it's a great opportunity for a quality family day, or a visit from a friend. Remember you're trying to start a conversation, not solve the problem in a day!

Image: camp by RomStu from the Noun Project.

Talk to other parents

The biggest barrier to effective management of a child's phone is often fear that your child will miss out. We don't want them to be the only one. Try talking to the parents in your communities - you might find they have exactly the same concerns.

Agreeing a strategy across even just two families will ensure your child is not alone, and create an instant support network of parents sharing the same struggles and successes.

A good way of starting the conversation might be to share one of our social media posts, or place a link to our website on community groups and ask for opinions.

Image: parents by Kokota from the Noun Project.

Seeing the amount of time spent on a phone each day can be a stark wake up call.

iPhones have a built in tool to monitor the time spent on a device, with a breakdown of how this time was spent. Android devices can download a free app that will provide similar data.

A great way to start the conversation is to ask your child to predict how much time they spend on their phone before you check. Once you've taken a look, discuss a period of time you could both be happy with.

Image: timer by Rooty from the Noun Project.

You often don't know you're addicted until you try to stop. There's nothing like taking something away to show you how much you use it. Agree with your child to put the phone away for a day, and have them pay attention to how they react.

This doesn't have to be a negative experience - it's a great opportunity for a quality family day, or a visit from a friend. Remember you're trying to start a conversation, not solve the problem in a day!

Image: camp by RomStu from the Noun Project.


2. Get the basics right

Dinner together

Children who eat dinner at the table do better at school, eat healthier food, and are less likely to be depressed. Dinner is a great time to reconnect with your child, learn about each other's day and try out your latest dad jokes.

A single buzz in the pocket can be enough to derail any conversation, as your child begins to focus on the phone rather than the family. Keep phones silenced and out of the way during dinner.

Don't expect this to be easy! Teenagers were hard to talk to long before they had important tweets to read. Persevere and model good conversation with another adult if you can.

Image: dinner by ibrandify from the Noun Project.

Bedtime alone

How often should your child have a sleepover? Unless your answer is 'every night', it's time to remove the phone at bed time.

Put yourself in their shoes - if your best friend, or the person you fancied was in WhatsApp chats at 11pm, would you be safely storing your phone away at 9? Ignoring a phone is hard - even for adults!

Phones should be turned off at least an hour before bed to allow for healthy sleep. This can be difficult to enforce - children are not above sneaking out of bed at night to reclaim a phone, even one in their parents' bedroom! Establish a location where phones must be stored overnight, and set sanctions if they're not there.

Image: Bed by Diego Naive from the Noun Project.

Adults in the room

Children who eat dinner at the table do better at school, eat healthier food, and are less likely to be depressed. Dinner is a great time to reconnect with your child, learn about each other's day and try out your latest dad jokes.

A single buzz in the pocket can be enough to derail any conversation, as your child begins to focus instead on the phone rather than the family. Keep phones silenced and out of the way during dinner.

Don't expect this to be easy! Teenagers were hard to talk to long before they had important tweets to read. Persevere and model good conversation with another adult if you can.

Image: dinner by ibrandify from the Noun Project.

How often should your child have a sleepover? Unless your answer is 'every night', it's time to remove the phone at bed time.

Put yourself in their shoes - if your best friend, or the person you fancied, was in WhatsApp chats at 11pm, would you be safely storing your phone away at 9? Ignoring a phone is hard - even for adults!

Phones should be turned off at least an hour before bed to allow for healthy sleep. This can be difficult to enforce - children are not above sneaking out of bed at night to reclaim a phone, even one in their parents' bedroom. Establish a location where phones must be stored overnight, and set sanctions if they're not there.

Image: Bed by Diego Naive from the Noun Project.

"We trust our child - we know they wouldn't do anything silly."

Devices give children access to a world of extremes. By age 15, 66% of children have viewed pornography.5 Most state that their viewing was unintentional, often as early as 7 or 8 years old. In a 2019 BBFC survey, 'Girls in particular were found to watch pornography to learn "what to do" during sex.' 6

We often trust our children because they act sensibly when we're with them. So be with them! Protect your child when they are in danger - make sure they only use devices when with the family. Never behind a closed door.

Image: adult supervision by Gan Khoon Lay from the Noun Project.


3. Build good habits

Limit screen time

Smartphones are great. But like all great things, they should be used in moderation.

Agree a sensible time limit with your child - we suggest one hour - then use the iPhone's screen time function, or the Android screentime app to apply that limit directly to the phone.

You can even use this as a platform for rewards and sanctions by adding time for completed jobs and removing it for poor behaviour.

Image: Phone by Storm Icons from the Noun Project.

Use the 'toast rack'

Smartphones are great. But like all great things, they should be used in moderation.

Agree a sensible time limit with your child - we suggest one hour - then use the iPhone's screen time function, or the Android screentime app to apply that limit directly to the phone.

You can even use this as a platform for rewards and sanctions by adding time for completed jobs and removing it for poor behaviour.

Image: Phone by Storm Icons from the Noun Project.

Keep track of your child's device use by establishing a 'toast rack' in the house: a single location where devices must be stored when not in use. Set it up with plugged in chargers and storage for anything that you use with the devices, like headphones.

This approach synergises well with a limit on screen time. Older children will apply a surprising amount of effort to getting around the limits you set, and will likely succeed! Set sanctions if the phone is not in the rack when the time is up.

Image: toast by supalerk laipawat from the Noun Project.


4. Detox

The weekender

Need a sharp change in behaviour? Exams coming up? Time to reset habits?

The weekender is an effective short term solution when your child needs releasing from addiction, or needs to focus on an upcoming challenge. Agree a place to lock the phone away from Sunday evening to Friday evening, then set sensible boundaries for allowing it at the weekend.

Remember - this isn't a punishment! If you're taking your child's social connection away, consider arranging a visit from friends, setting up a family game night, or putting your own phone away too.

Image: weekends by Rohit Arun Rao from the Noun Project.

Smart kid, dumb phone

Need a sharp change in behaviour? Exams coming up? Time to reset habits?

The weekender is an effective short term solution when your child needs releasing from addiction, or needs to focus on an upcoming challenge. Agree a place to lock the phone away from Sunday evening to Friday evening, then set sensible boundaries for allowing it at the weekend.

Remember - this isn't a punishment! If you're taking your child's social connection away, consider arranging a visit from friends, setting up a family game night, or putting your own phone away too.

Image: weekends by Rohit Arun Rao from the Noun Project.

Until your child is ready, you may choose to provide a 'dumb' phone. A device that can call and text, but has no internet.

This is great for younger children who need the ability to call home, but might not be ready for the pressure of an always-on device. It can also be effective for young people who have developed an unhealthy relationship with their smartphone. A dumb phone is not a catch-all solution - they can still use it in bed! Combine this with our basic strategies for a healthy introduction to phones or a firm reset of the relationship.

It's tempting to think that we are denying our children freedom if we don't provide a smartphone, the freedom to engage with their friends and the wide world of the internet. However, consider what you are offering freedom from. Constant temptation to look at materials they know are damaging. Sleepless nights. Cyberbullying and relentless peer pressure. Inability to focus. A negative view of their own family. A dumb phone provides the freedom that many children need to thrive (and they're nice and cheap if they drop them).

Image: Cell Phone by Michael Keshen from the Noun Project.